I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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