Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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