i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My ass is underappreciated
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
