You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
