Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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