she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
