I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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