what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
