I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
