How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They took my balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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