my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
