break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
