Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
