i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
