cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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