Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
