well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
