never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
two words: eviction party
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
