so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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