I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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