Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't notice because vodka
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
