Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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