I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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