He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
