your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
