I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
