After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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