6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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