is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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