Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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