Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
