so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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