You're my little dorito
I'm going to jail i love you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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