Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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