yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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