I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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