At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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