I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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