I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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