last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
thus making me awesome and them whores
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
