i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
