Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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