hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
