he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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