I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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