ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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