whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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