If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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