I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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