When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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