Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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