Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
