im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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