mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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