Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
