I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and she was petting her beer can
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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