I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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