Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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