No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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