just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We just shotgunned beers for America
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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