if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
