I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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