Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
