Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
