omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
