Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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