i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
