I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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