From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
