Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
