Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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