i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
