Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
