dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
