Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
