i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
