i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
