My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
