Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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