I don't usually arrange sex via text message
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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