we have officially lost it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
