Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
