Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
