my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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